Thinking about University and Anxiety

 "I need to get straight A's because I am going to go to Harvard."

"Well, I am also going to go to Harvard. My mom said it's the best school in the country."

"I'm so dumb. I made a mistake."

My elementary students filed into the room and they were already talking about college.  They were 10 years old but they were worrying about LSAT tests and grade and studying over the weekend. The truth of the matter is that to get into colleges like Harvard or Yale or Standard, my students will need more than straight A's and a very high SAT score.  Grades and test scores are not enough to get you into a top tier college in the U.S. In fact, a gifted program does not give you an advantage either. 

I worry about my student's mental health through the years.   What is going to happen if they do get a B on a test or in a class? Will they be okay?  Is Harvard worth it, if my students were depressed and exhausted children?

I have had several students who had anxiety in elementary school. I remember one in particular. She was bubbly, thoughtful, willing to share ideas, and seemed really happy to be at school, and then something changed. She hit a wall.  My student was switching from public elementary school to a private middle school in the fall.  When the acceptance letter arrived in the mail, panic set in.

My student broke down in tears when she entered the school building. She rocked back and forth and froze.  She would not set foot in her homeroom class.  She was paralyzed in fear.  The school worked with her family and a counselor and a psychologist.  She was afraid of failure, of the unknown, and terrified of a new place and new people.  It was debilitating. 

My student wouldn't come to class after she received that letter.  Week after week, month after month, she worked in the office in a small cubicle.  She ate her lunch there, refused to go to recess, and didn't want to talk to her classmates.  She didn't want to go to middle school and wasn't ready to lose the school she had known her whole life.   She said she was afraid of middle school. 

I wonder if the pressure was worth the result.  Is the top notch private school acceptance letter in your hand worth it, if you are miserable? What is the definition of a successful life? Is it money? Power? Status?  Happiness?  Purpose? Legacy?